“No man is an island,” wrote the well-known English poet, John Donne. Relationships, friendships, and community are necessary aspects of human flourishing. However, now more than ever, Americans of all ages are struggling with loneliness and isolation which leads to poor mental and physical health. How should we respond to this overwhelming problem? The beautiful response of God to loneliness and isolation provides help and compels positive change for hurting and lonely people.
The Terror of Loneliness
The Twilight Zone groups the terror of loneliness with themes such as nuclear war, the end of the world, and hyper-contagious diseases. In the first episode on October 2, 1959, the main theme was the horror of loneliness and isolation. The episode acutely portrays the fear we all have of being alone. During twenty days of isolation in preparation for a solo-expedition to the moon, an Air Force Cadet begins to imagine that he is the last man on earth. His loneliness drives him to despair. Finally, the overseeing generals release him from his testing and one of the generals explains to him what had happened to him.
“It was just a kind of nightmare that your mind manufactured for you. You see we can feed the stomach with concentrates. We can supply microfilm for reading, recreation, even movies of a sort. We can pump oxygen in and waste material out, but there’s one thing we can’t simulate. That’s a very basic need. Man’s hunger for companionship. The barrier of loneliness. That’s one thing we haven’t licked yet.”[1]
The creators of The Twilight Zone understood the necessity of companionship and the pain and horror of a life of loneliness.
Loneliness: Not a Respecter of Persons
Distractions can only help for so long. Amid the business of studies, frat life, and a few intermural sports, Jake still feels agonizingly alone and isolated. He is surrounded by people, yet he feels that no one knows him or cares for him. The nagging, dull ache of loneliness is his constant companion during his studies, parties, and games. When he looks at the social media accounts of high school friends who are now at other universities, everything in their lives seems to be exciting. They would probably think the same of his “social media” life, but it still seems like he is missing something when he compares his life to many of theirs.[2] For Jake, even the excitement and “fix” of finding the occasional girl to spend the night with him has worn off. Nothing addresses the pervasive loneliness. Jake is not the only university student with this struggle. In a recent health survey at the University of Michigan, 65% of undergrad students responded by saying that they had felt “very alone” in the last 12 months.[3]
Amy’s heartache never goes away. She has the marriage, house, and family she thought she always wanted, but her struggles with feeling alone have only become worse. Her husband is pleasant enough when he is around, but that is the problem. He is never around. His job is so demanding that she barely sees him during the week. And, on the weekends, he is so exhausted that he doesn’t have much energy left over after a grueling week of work and his required round of golf with his buddies on Saturday mornings. Her massive house now feels like a cavernous, echoing mansion that only exacerbates her loneliness. Her two little kids provide some joy, but not the companionship of adult conversation and interaction. The dull ache of loneliness plagues her every moment and only seems to be growing stronger and more debilitating.
Mary’s husband, Frank, is asleep on his Lazy-boy. Mary has just finished what seems to be her millionth episode of Survivor on T.V. She looks up at the clock and sees that it is 8:05 PM. She has two and a half hours before she will even attempt to go to bed. Frank will sleep in his chair the rest of the night. Her only other pseudo-companion, the T.V. drumming in the background, will continue running through the night and will still be going in the morning. She is sitting in what they call the “family room,” but for fifteen years now her only family has been her retired husband. The ache of her loneliness never leaves her. It has led her to an increased depression and purposelessness that has completely changed her disposition. Growing up, she remembers her grandparents being a part of community groups, church functions, and neighborhood parties. Why are her senior years so different? This struggle with loneliness and depression will continue for the rest of her life.[4]
The Beauty of God’s Response to Loneliness
In these blog posts, I will argue that because of the exacerbated loneliness in our culture and the limits of a purely secular psychological responses, a Biblical response is needed that will guide fellow strugglers to the beauty of God’s response to loneliness and isolation. The Bible reveals a God who aggressively pursues a relationship with individuals and a God whose mission is to create a community of diverse people unified by his reconciling love. In the following blog posts, I will demonstrate this thesis in the following ways: (1) I will establish the reasons for the increase of loneliness in our current cultural context. (2) I will point to the relationship of loneliness to other psychological disorders. (3) I will summarize some of key secular therapeutic responses to loneliness. (3) I will reframe the problem of loneliness theologically by describing the reconciling love of God which restores mankind’s relationship with God and with one another.
[1] Rod Serling, “The Twilight Zone,” Where Is Everybody?, October 2, 1959.
[2] For a compelling picture of the pressures of social media to university student athletes, see the following article from ESPN the Magazine: Kate Fagan, “Split Image,” ESPN Magazine, May 7, 2015.
[3] American College Health Association, “Summary of the Results of the National College Health Assessment” (University of Michigan, Ann Arbor Campus, February 2014).
[4] Robert D. Putnam, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community (New York, New York: Simon and Schuster, 2000), 94, 103-5.
